Eleven Days

In eleven days, I will once again pack up my things and drive to my new home in Denton. This summer took a toll on me, and I found myself moving backwards once I got settled in. Although I wish I could bring a few important people with me, I am nothing but excited to be moving away. This town is full of bittersweet memories and bittersweet people and I so am ready to move forward.

With all of the negativity that I was trapped in this summer, I realized that I do not have to be trapped in it all. There will always be good things happening in your life and there will always be something to look forward to. Hold on to it and don't let go. My friends have been my support system, and I cannot thank them enough for loving me. There is never a bad day with them and they have tought me that your life does not have to be perfect to allow yourself to be happy.

Let yourself laugh.

I have managed to find the beauty in the smaller things this summer. Like playing in a blow up pool with my little sisters, or singing in the car with my best friends. Maybe I'm appreciating life more, or maybe this thought process is coming from being a broke college student. Who knows.

I think back to about a month ago, when all of my best friends were back in town. As exciting as this was, we were all dreading encountering our ex-boyfriends (who are all friends too, sucks right?) Our week was spent coming together to remember the life of our friend Joseph who passed away a year ago. Losing someone we loved so dearly connected us in many ways. Yet, as time went on, relationships crumbled, and thing became more an more complicated. And that is exactly what the week was, complicated. We were hurting for our lost friend, hurting for lost love and at the same time time, we were trying to enjoy the company of eachother.

If I could do it again. I would never have let my ex boyfriend have such an effect on my emotions and I would have never let him back in my life for those few days. I always talk about how terrible that week was for me. But was it really? I had the opportunity to catch up with the people that are so dear to my heart. I had unforgettable conversations. I made genuine memories. I got to learn even more of how Joseph impacted and changed lives. It wasn't a terrible week, it was an amazing week with a few downfalls.

In conclusion, I know this healing process is going to be hard, but that doesn't make my life terrible. I have to constantly tell myself that I will be okay, and I know for a fact that I will. But I am no longer going to use my situation as an excuse not to live or love or learn. There is always something to be happy about and like I said before, hold on to it.

                              Lo and Lex, friends, your younger sisters, older sisters, and you.. I hope that you can find the light in what ever you are going through. 
                                                                             xoxo, Ari

Pick Up The Pieces

I've found that my friends and I have countless conversations about men wanting us to change for them. Talks about how ridiculous and selfish it is for someone to basically say "I would like you more if you were this way." Our deep discussions have become fueled with anger. It took me this long for me to realize that we are being hypocritical. All we have been saying is "maybe we could have worked if they were this way," "maybe if they tried harder," "maybe if they loved themselves more." We are hoping for these people to change for us, yet we knew exactly what we were getting ourselves into from the beginning. 

If you decide to be with someone and they are insecure, you can't change them. If they are disrespectful, you can't change them. If they don't know how to love, you can not change them. My mom always told me that there will be signs in the beginning of all of your relationships. It is up to us whether or not we accept them for what they are. If you choose to date an asshole, and you fall in love with an asshole, you cannot be surprised that he has remained an asshole throughout your relationship. 

2015, I have seen way more relationships fall apart than blossom. And I've wondered why this became the year of broken promises. As hard as things have gotten, I have watched the people around me learn how to survive and love themselves as they pick up the pieces of their heart. Some of these relationships were unhealthy, some were unbalanced, some were abusive, and some were just shitty timing.

My own relationship has recently came to an end. And just as every relationship is different, every heartbreak is a little different too. I am far from okay, but I am handling it. I have learned so much from my past relationships and those of my friends' so I know that I will heal.

I have some reminders for myself, and others suffering from a broken heart.

Find an outlet. Whether it is running, writing, or music. Use it as much as possible. Don't be that person that is trying to retaliate or that person that is ranting on social media. Having something to keep your mind off things definitely helps.

Don't shut out the people who love you. If you lost track of your relationships with other people, take this opportunity to mend them. You don't have to go through a break up alone so if you have people who care, let them.

Take it as lesson. As hard as things may be, don't push it out your mind. You past relationships will always be useful for future ones. Remember what you love and remember what you hate. Most importantly remember what made things fall apart so you wont make the same mistake twice.

Keep your options open. I'm not saying to jump into a new relationship the first chance you get, but this doesn't mean you have to hate the world either. Don't let yourself believe that all men are the same and don't give up on love.

                              Lo and Lex, friends, your younger sisters, older sisters, and you.. Find yourself. When I love, I love hard. Sometimes when you do that, you lose yourself in the process. Take this time of healing to figure out who you are and what you love about you. When you give your all to someone, it is easy to forget that you can do things alone. As you become more in-tuned to yourself, you may realize that your wants and needs in a relationship are totally different than what you thought. Stay strong and remember that time heals all.
                                                                             xoxo, Ari

Growth

You do not truly learn how to drive until you are driving alone.

You do not truly learn about yourself until you are surviving alone.

This year I moved away from home to a city where I knew absolutely no one. Thinking back, I don't understand why I wanted to do this considering how close I am to my family and friends in my home town. But there was part of me that wanted a clean slate. I wanted growth and I wanted to figure things out on my own. And boy did I grow. 

Leaving home was definitely an experience. It strained all of my relationships and I managed to forget all of the things I thought I knew about my self too. I lost myself the first year on my own. So here's some tips so you don't make the same mistakes I did.

Bring down your ego, from a ten to a two. As I entered adulthood I felt like I was educated enough about the world around me. Like I said on another page, my family talks my ear off about life. Because of that, I thought I was more prepared than everyone around me and I honestly felt like I had been through enough to know how to be on my own. Moving away was a slap in the face. You never really understand how much you don't know until your parents aren't down the hall anymore. So remember that you don't know everything and you never will. There is so much more to learn.

Close your mouth, open your mind. It is okay to be wrong sometimes. The best thing you can do is own up to it. As I took on the challenge of having a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, he turned out to be the first person to put a mirror in front of me. I was so used to him telling me my strengths, I was caught off guard when he revealed my weaknesses. He explained that I have trouble apologizing, owning up to things, and seeing where I'm wrong. Of course I was mad at first which just showed me that he was even more right. He wont always be right about me (lol), but neither will I. I soon realized that this is what I have these special people in my life for. You will not grow unless you give people the opportunity to be brutally honest with you. Build relationships and friendships with people full of love and honesty. These will be the ones that help you be a better you.

Know that things can end in a disaster, do it anyways. Take risks. Try not to end up in the hospital but do things that you usually wouldn't do. Meet people that have nothing in common with you. Make as many friends as possible. What ever you do, go OUT. I can thank a new college friend for showing me that waiting in line for 6 hours to see my favorite artist IS worth it. And I can also thank another for learning that you should not smoke weed with an empty and dehydrated body, haha. Because you will faint and I will have a mental breakdown for thinking you are dying. But hey, things like this make for a hilarious story. So be spontaneous. Make memories.

                              Lo and Lex, friends, your younger sisters, older sisters, and you.. Always be open to growth. You'll always have so much more to learn about yourself. 
                                                                             xoxo, Ari

Love a Little

Taken from No Impact Man

It is sad to say, but I haven't read a full book in an extremely long time so when I started No Impact Man (for school) I had very low expectations. Everyone in class hated it, and I would not recommend it either. However, it amazed me that this man cut so many things out of his life for an entire year and I thought the lessons he learned on his journey were amazing.

This isn't a book review I promise, but when I got to the end of the book this part really stuck out to me. "At a child's grave, did you ever wish you had another video game? When I take my last breath, will there be a wish that I had more stuff? I'll wish for only one thing, I think. That I loved better. That I had been better at loving and not being distracted by stuff or accomplishment. This life is too short and it will soon be over. What will we use it for?"

Live life to the fullest, right? Live every day as if it is your last, right? That is what the author is getting at. We all understand this concept and many of us desperately try to do it, at least when we remember to. But it is not THAT easy. If this was truly my last day, I would drop out of college, visit my loved ones, clear my bank account, and definitely I would not be worrying about telling you guys about it. I know I cannot live my life as dramatic as that, but I know that I could do better.

I have learned first hand that when someone passes away, some people get on this weird high. Maybe I shouldn't call it a high because we are clearly overcome with grief. But by this I mean we are so quick to mend relationships, and we call everyone and tell them how much we love and appreciate them. Everyone now means the world to you. Everyone is there for you and you are there for everyone. You don't get mad so easily. If you are a believer, you pray more. You care less about the things you have and more about the people that surround you. This is not wrong all, but as time passes so does this feeling and we are soon back to our old ways. 

There's the problem. Why is it so hard to continue? And why does it take a tragedy or something dramatic to make us appreciate things.

In the book, the author removes everything in his life that had a negative effect on the environment. After that, he was literally left with only his family, and as I read about how close they became, it was beautiful. They cut out social media, electricity, cars, TV, and pretty much everything else that is man made (they did keep a house though) and they started doing more things. They spent less money. They picnicked. They went on walks. That should not be a big deal but how many of us can really say that we go on walks with our families?

My point is.. when we are gone, our assets will not matter. But our families will have to learn to live on without us. We have to figure out our priorities now so that the ones who matter can live on with beautiful memories and not deep regret. 

                              Lo and Lex, friends, your younger sisters, older sisters, and you.. you do not have to wait to lose someone to appreciate the important things in life, and you do not have to resort to living off the environment either, but it is safe to say, we can all love a little better.

                                                                             xoxo, Ari